Thursday, March 13, 2008
What Should I do #6: The Guild.
In recent news, I got my first piece of hatemail the other day. The author, enraged by the fact that the second book wasn't going to be published on time, told me he wished a dog would bite me on the balls.

There was more to the letter, of course, but that was pretty much the gist of it.

For those of you looking to occupy yourselves in a more productive way while waiting for book two to come out, allow me to make a friendly suggestion: The Guild.

I stumbled onto the Guild about half a year ago and laughed my ass off. If you play computer games, or know anyone who does, odds say you'll laugh your ass off too...

Then, months later, one of my friends forwarded THIS LINK to me.

For those of you too lazy to click, it was a blog post someone made about my book. They liked the book, but they had some pointed comments about the sort of covers they put on fantasy novels these days....

Then I looked more closely, and I realized that the person writing the blog was actress Felicia Day. You've probably seen her in a bunch of things, but my personal geekery stems from the fact that she played Vi on season seven of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I know I should be cooler than this, but the truth is, I was overwhelmed with geeky joy at the thought of her reading my book and liking it.

It was only after looking over Felicia's blog, that I realized she was in The Guild too. Not only does she play Codex, but she actually writes the script for it too....

Anyway, here's the first episode of the guild to get you started.

Share and Enjoy.


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posted by Pat at


OpenID suziko said...

That blog post is hilarious, and sums up a lot of the things I thought about that cover as well. I also tend to strip dust jackets off immediately, although less because i'm embarrassed by the cover art and more because I just find them really annoying, always slipping all over the place and such. Although one plus is you can use the flap for a book mark.

That hate mail guy is dumb. I'm thinking that having dog-bite damaged balls would make it that much harder for you to finish writing the second book. Just from the sheer discomfort. Not because you, like, write with your balls. I'm assuming anyway.

March 13, 2008 11:24 AM  
Blogger Incubus Jax said...

I used to write with my balls, but every time I submitted a manuscript it was rejected, something about little hairs getting in the way of the words.

That and sometimes it would be in all caps, which just should not happen.

The Guild... effing hilarious Pat, thanks for the post.

And dog bites to ball are not a laughing matter... had a friend in the fifth grade that took a dog bite to the balls... from that point on we called him "Sack".

March 13, 2008 12:29 PM  
Blogger Micah Cowan said...

“How dare you have a personal life? How dare you allow unavoidable, emotionally devastating and traumatic real-life occurrences interfere with your duties as an author?

“Dammit, if you weren't prepared to get the second book out in 2008, you should never have released Name of the Wind in the first place! To write such a captivating and imaginative work, leave a good hook, and then just drop it for two years is... well it’s immoral! Who gives a crap what happens to your parents? Suck it up and churn it out, or I’ll sic my dog on you!

“Isn't emotional angst supposed to feed your art? Work it off, fella!”


The internet is chock-full of assholes. Sorry, Pat, if you've had to deal with a couple. ...Or wait, I guess we don't know if it's even an internet thing, you said hatemail, which could be snail-mail I guess. Anyway, what I said about the internet being chock-full would be true regardless.

March 13, 2008 12:31 PM  
Blogger Jedi Kez said...

First time poster here... :)

That book cover is indeed horrible. It looks like it belongs on the cover of a some gay homo-erotic adventure, not on a kick-butt, awesome fantasy story! (not that I am against gay people - just wouldn't be something I'd wanna read about).

The Guild seems interesting - I'll be checking that out later tonight!

First heard about you from the Dragon Page - Cover to Cover folks and immediately had to go find and read the Name of the Wind! So glad I did!

March 13, 2008 12:42 PM  
OpenID stealingbabies said...

Great link and video. Now I'm going to have to sit here and watch more episodes of The Guild, because playing World of Warcraft makes it all the more funny (and sad).

March 13, 2008 12:46 PM  
Blogger Parrish said...

hey! i just found this on george r.r. martin's website, and thought you might be entertained (he says it hits a little too close to home).


March 13, 2008 2:15 PM  
Blogger KYDS3K said...

from the blog:

"Even when I was like, 12 and reading the first 'Wheel of Time' series (that needs to go away and die somewhere. Please Mr. Jordan, wrap it up)"


March 13, 2008 2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I'm sorry, but as soon as I finished reading that first bit I cracked up laughing for about a whole minute. A dog bite to the balls. My God...

It's kind of a compliment if you think about it. He loves the first book so much that he hates you because he has to wait for the second one! Maybe when the third book's due date is announced he'll write in to let you know that he hopes you get mauled by an angry kitten.

I didn't know The Guild was so funny. Thanks for putting me on to it.


March 13, 2008 2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kyds3k, did you not hear Mr. Jordan died last year? He will not be wrapping it up any time soon. They have found someone to finish the series (he had the outline of the final book), but I'm guessing it will be awhile since it supposed to be a 1500 page epic novel. It will probably even say "A Novel" on the cover!

March 13, 2008 3:13 PM  
Blogger amber_mane said...

Okay... now I have to watch more. And show my friends so we can laugh and go, "Yes. This is what life is."



March 13, 2008 10:38 PM  
Blogger Steve Weyerts Jr. said...

Considering Brandon Sanderson was the author chosen to wrap up WoT, I don't think you'll have to wait too long. He seems to be prolific when it comes to his writings. Of course, balancing several different novels at once could get in the way. He seems to have two or three going at any given time. I don't know how he does it, but at least he's fast.

On a lighter note, congratulations on the hate mail. Consider yourself blessed. I would give anything to have people threatening my life over the release date of my next book.

March 14, 2008 12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oi! Thanks for this! Now I have something to DO Friday night!

And since my first statement was just sad and showed my complete inability to socialize in any way, I'll leave on this note:

Good luck with the second book! And I hope any other person thinking of sending you a hate mail thinks again! The League of fanatical minions will hunt him down and make certain a dog bites HIM in the balls.

March 14, 2008 1:09 AM  
Blogger Drajon said...

Zing! she really hit you with it! But I understand from previous blogs that you don't control the cover art, and if you are lucky, you even get to see it before it comes out on shelves!

As for the dog issue. Consider some monkshood planted around your property, pretty much guarantees no dogs will approach your home! And hey, those neighbour-types who let their dogs use your lawn as a bathroom will have a hard time getting them to even walk past your home!

Good call, on the Guild, thank you muchly!

March 14, 2008 6:20 AM  
Anonymous Kalligenia said...

The Guild is awesome! Is it scary that I relate too much?

March 14, 2008 9:52 AM  
Blogger Shorty said...

Of all of the interesting things one can do with and to the balls... this guy can only dream up having a dog bite them?? Lame.

Well, I guess it all has to do with proportions... if this is your FIRST piece of hate-mail (and you've received HOW many pieces of love-mail?) then you are doing pretty damned well!

Shit... I'VE had more hate-mail than YOU and I haven't done a single thing of import yet!

March 15, 2008 6:58 PM  
Blogger one_way_mirror said...

I wouldn't call it hate mail as much as I would call it tough love mail Pat. He maybe loved your book too much.

March 17, 2008 9:18 AM  
Blogger a cat of impossible colour said...

Heh! A dog bite in the balls. That's just great. Although it's really twisted love mail rather than hate mail ...

Thanks for the Guild link, it's hilarious.

March 17, 2008 1:08 PM  
Anonymous Brittany said...

Oh my gosh Pat! Seriously? A dog bite to the family jewels?! Wow. I guess I would take it as a compliment though, he really... REALLY liked your book too. So much so in fact, that he is willing to compromise your nut area just so he can read the second one... if thats not love... I don't know what is. LOL

And you have no idea just how hard I was laughing over the Guild. Thanks for sharing! :)

March 18, 2008 3:00 PM  
Blogger Nancy said...

Well, I poked fun at one of the book jackets (the guy baring his chest...) and the Italian one. Hope I didn't offend you! Please realize that cover art NEVER stops me from investigating a book---uh, well, unless it is some sort of mindless porn.

Pat, there are a lot of jerks out there. You have a lot of fans who love your work, are hyping it for you, and wishing you a long and happy writing life (so that we can stay amused with good books, see?). :)

Ignore him/her/hate mail. Or if you can't ignore it, share it with us so we can jeer at the jerks.

March 18, 2008 5:59 PM  

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