Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Goddamn Blogger....
Won't let me upload photos.

I am full of terrible rage. Hulk-style rage. Not the sissy green hulk either. I'm talking grey hulk. The sort of hulk that gets pissed and builds a bomb out of a stapler, but then smashes it and throws the jagged, pointy pieces at the internet. Throws them so hard that whoever is in charge of blogger wakes up screeling in pain, clutching their genitalia and trying to staunch their bloody nose.

GGggrrraaqaaaHHHG!!!

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posted by Pat at

31 Comments:

Blogger Captain Joe said...

Holy shit, a bomb out of a stapler!?!?!@#

Pat, think about the cost of this. We have the awesome rage of the grey hulk, fused with the ingenuity of Macgyver.

This can only end in one way.

And that way is pain...

May 21, 2008 2:44 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

And think of the dexterity! Those giant hands delicately assembling bomb components...

With agility like that, the hulk could be blackmarket surgeoning by day to make ends meet.

May 21, 2008 4:32 AM  
Anonymous Thomas (babelhut.com) said...

What kind of error message are you getting?

May 21, 2008 4:52 AM  
Anonymous Kip said...

...I could build a bomb out of a stapler (using some additional parts, but that was never specified in the post), it would be basicly a modification to a click pen bomb, and the process really isn't that delicate.

I'm sorry, my talents lie in some very bad directions, and I can't help it, I just sort of know these things. Some people are good at baseball, I can make an exploding baseball, whatev.

May 21, 2008 7:29 AM  
Anonymous Kip said...

Sad part is is after posting that I took apart my stapler on my desk here at work and already figured it out.

May 21, 2008 7:32 AM  
Blogger dragongirl said...

So what did it do this time?

May 21, 2008 7:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lighten up Francis!

Cheers,

Todd

May 21, 2008 8:40 AM  
Blogger Alexis said...

The unsatisfied curiosity that has had me checking your blog for posts 3-4 times a day has suddenly dissolved into laughter because you are more frustrated than I.
Good luck!

May 21, 2008 10:00 AM  
Blogger Mary J. said...

*hides in corner, trembling*

May 21, 2008 10:01 AM  
Blogger Incubus Jax said...

Kip: You're either someone I don't want to work with, or someone I really want to work with. I'm not sure yet.

Captain Joe and Matt When I follow the logical path of your comments to their conclusion it can only end is pure awesomeness.

And Finally,

Pat, Let's do this. Grey Hulk and Green Hulk - three rounds - Live on pay-per-view. We could get Saliva to perform. Naked women would fight each other to the death just for a touch of your bulging grey hulk muscles. Winner takes all. And after you exert your dominance over the Green hulk, you can take those Naked women and teach them how to tie a square not, or something equally Macgyver-ish.

It would be awesome.

And in between rounds, you could do an ad for your black market surgeoning; you know, so you can eat and all. There's nothing more sad than a hungry grey hulk. It tears at my heart when I'm sitting a light in traffic and a homeless hungry grey hulk is standing there holding a sign that, for some reason, always says: "Will conquer you for food."

Tears me up inside, it really does.

May 21, 2008 10:09 AM  
Anonymous Kip, The Magnificent said...

Naw, I'm the odd funny guy at work, who never seems to work but somehow always gets things done. In between Listening to my Heavy Metal (or Power Metal), Playing Risk, and Filling various forums (ranging from Computer security,and Metal Music reviews, ot Pen and Paper RPG gaming) with bits of my brain's nibbly goodness, I Purcase computer equipment, Build Computers, Setup systems, research new techology, and type stuff.

Cept yesterday, I killed a $250,000 deal that would have netted me an additional $1000 on my semi-annual bonus, with a few well placed questions. I discovered that this software company was lying to us and they couldn't quite do what was needed for a client, Then I sat back and giggled while everyone else panicked. I love Chaos, I'm in my prime when it's chaotic.

May 21, 2008 10:30 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I guess we wouldn't like Pat when he's angry. :)

May 21, 2008 10:36 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

incubus jax: Solution to your food problem-

1) Naked women surviving death match learn square nots

2) Naked women who don't survive death match become food

3) Anyone who willingly volunteers can become food, as well

This way, the blackmarket surgeoning can remain a hobby. Hobbies tend to lose a bit of their zest when they turn into real jobs...

Take me, for example. The Navy used to just be a hobby of mine- sailing the seven seas, defending the innocent from pirates. But now that I do it for a living, I'm kinda not too keen on it :).

May 21, 2008 10:55 AM  
Anonymous amelia said...

i cant get past the fact that you said "goddamn" for some reason its like THE forbidden word to me and now im kinda scared that youre going to hell..

May 21, 2008 11:03 AM  
Anonymous Kip said...

Pirates are Epic? why defend against them? Have you even read "The Alphabet of Manliness" by Maddox?

May 21, 2008 11:12 AM  
Blogger Incubus Jax said...

Kip, heh, you should work at my office, it's pure chaos. We do medical billing, so if you've ever received a medical bill, you'll understand.

Matt, I understand what you're saying. I think your solution is spot on. I'd hate for the Grey Hulk to stop enjoying his black market operations. There's just something awesome about squashing cars and then doing a boob job for a fledgling porn star... there's a magic there that I don't want to see lost.

I predict that the number of volunteers that we have to feed the Grey Hulk will be overwhelming. I mean, people love to volunteer, and what's more, people love to volunteer other people.

That's right, gotta kid that won't behave? Volunteer 'em.

Can't get your husband to stop sleeping with his co-workers? Volunteer 'em.

Is your girlfriend refusing to dress up like little bo peep and treat you like the "baaaaaaaaaad" boy that you may or may not be?

Volunteer 'em.

Perfect.

And the best part - if the Grey Hulk doesn't get the next book out to us on time, we can starve him out by with-holding the volunteers.

Then, once he's weak from lack of hunger, we can break his fingers, trust me, nothing scares a black market surgeon like broken fingers. Nothing.

May 21, 2008 11:29 AM  
Anonymous Kip, The Opaque said...

If I were a black market surgeon I'd have nightmares about having to fix Ellen Degeneres' face. but to each thier own.

May 21, 2008 11:53 AM  
Anonymous marky said...

And you wonder why you get stopped at customs pat. This talk of building a staple bomb is going to put you into yet another top ten. Right up there with Osama bin lid. Granted it's not exactly a nail bomb or a dirty bomb but it could still have you shunted to the back of the plane with mittens taped to your hands while some faceless suit sits beside you touching his ear piece and getting secretly horned up by the thought of you in orange overalls.

Matt. quick idea for pirate capturing. From what I no of pirates they love a bit of treasure hunting and jolly rogering. This, my friend is there downfall. You put up treasure hunting crew wanted posters all over ye old tavern. Stipulate that said crew must be in position of a shoulder parrot or at least one missing body part replaced by something pointy. Then you lay in wait. Trust me. Three or four days later you will have a boat load of scurvy dogs. Sail out to the middle of the ocean. Detonate the staple bomb in the hold and get outa there fast!!! Jobs a good un!

May 21, 2008 12:36 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

I'm totally gonna do this. Sheer genius, Marky. Sheer genius.

May 21, 2008 1:30 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I would have to say that reading these comments (especially the ones from Kip, Matt and Incubus Jax) was almost as amusing as the post itself was terrifying.

And the post was extremely terrifying.

Although I AM intrigued by the stapler bomb...

May 21, 2008 1:43 PM  
Anonymous Kip, The Tcary said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

May 21, 2008 2:03 PM  
Blogger Incubus Jax said...

Ah, I'm almost amusing. Sweet. I've never been anything but annoying in the past.

Thanks, Amanda, you're a swell gal.

Actually I was thinking of moving my blog exclusively to Pat's comments section of his posts. It's just easier, plus more traffic.

Is there some kind of geek word for a blog nested inside a blog? Would it be a nested blog? A Comment blog, or Clog?

Almost interesting. ;)

May 21, 2008 2:05 PM  
Anonymous Kip, the omnipotent said...

Heh, sorry about the bomb post, you didn't really want me to descibe it I guess. Sorry Pat, or whomever deleted it. I'll just say it can be made, and it's simple.


Heh, the word Verification says "mx sxy"

May 21, 2008 2:30 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

Kip,

No worries. It was a clever design, but.... well.... As Marky said up above, it's hard enough for me to get through airport security as it is. Plus, all I need is for one of my enthusiastic fans to blow his hands off tinkering.

They'll need those hands, you know, for turning the pages of Wise Man's Fear.

May 21, 2008 2:53 PM  
Blogger Incubus Jax said...

Not particularly. They could get the audio book.

Or maybe the Grey Hulk to read it to them every night before bed.

Grey Hulk like book!

On an aside, today was a friend of mine's birthday, so I got him a copy of The Name of the Wind, and then we sat at Den-wa's (Denny's) and talked about how awesome it was (He hasn't read it yet) and now I have to stop reading The Last Wish because I got so pumped about his present that now I have to re-read it!!!

Damn you Patrick Rothfuss, Damn You!!!.

Heh. So great.

May 21, 2008 3:41 PM  
Blogger Kenneth said...

Pat SMAAAASH!

...but really, that's all I can think of.

May 21, 2008 3:47 PM  
Anonymous Whittney said...

Oh, Pat...

Maybe Ambrose bought Blogger? He's come out of fiction to secretly wage his super-filthy-rich-stinky sort of war on you for telling us how much of a jackass he is.

Just finished rereading NOTW... Pat, I am in wow of the depth of your awesomeness. Or maybe in awe of the state of your wowness. I'm not sure. So many unanswered questions for the next books, so much anticipation, so many little phrases and perfect wordings that made me giggle in fangirlish delight... it's beautiful and lovely and wonderful and indescribable.

You're the staple-bomb, Pat. Seriously. Blogger will bow to you, because it cannot stand up against your wicked-awesomeness.

May 22, 2008 1:11 AM  
Blogger Brian Blomlie said...

This post has been removed by the author.

May 22, 2008 1:18 AM  
Blogger Brian Blomlie said...

This is what happens when a zenmaster runs out of zen :D

May 22, 2008 1:20 AM  
Anonymous marky said...

Lucifer’s tit!! What a day!
Pat. I’ll see your grey hulk and raise you a sun burned, covered in wasps, lost in the woman’s lingerie section hulk!
I’m off to Dublin for a gig at the weekend and being lazier than a wet rug I decided to dig out my passport last night. Not my best move as it had expired in March. To cut a long and form filling story short I managed to get an emergency same day passport for the ungodly sum of £114. I spent a further £4 on those slices of death we call passport photo’s (I really hope I look better in my coffin than I do on those b@stards), only to find that due to my haste to make the early morning appointment my nose had been running. It then solidified on my beard in the warmth of passport central. I then proceeded to get some photo’s, not noticing the offending bogy because I was concentrating on getting my head in the on screen oval. Needless to say it was either use the snotter photo or shell out for a new set. Shell out I did. This was hard, being Scottish and all. Up to the desk I went. New photo’s in tow. I was then informed that my head was to close to the camera. Twating oval!…….I handed over the snot photo. £122 to get the piss ripped outa me all over the world for the next ten years. Moral of the story. If you’re ever stopped at customs, strip searched, Anal probed and generally humiliated, go through the whole process with a smile because you’re not the tool there all talking about at there Christmas night out. THE SWINES!!

May 22, 2008 12:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, I would love to hear the variations on the Grey Hulk's rage-filled vocalization....

May 22, 2008 6:49 PM  

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