Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Photo Contest Part VII - Drama

When I started the contest, I really didn't expect there to be so much drama involved.

Not only is this shot very well composed, but her expression here is priceless. It's halfway between "Alas!" and "Whatev."

Captain Joe, suspiciously without pants in this photo, includes the following caption:
"Why?" begs Captain Joe of the blood-red sky. "Take me too!"

"No," replied the Sky.

"But NOTW is too powerful for this world, too awesome - it hurts us."

"You have a pointy chin, Captain Joe, and I find your beard lacking."

Overcome with anguish and poor dialogue, Captain Joe despairs of ever finding true happiness again.

There were more than a few photos sent in showing the book in heavenly surroundings.

Or emanating what can only be considered a holy light.

Here we have holy light AND drama. A word of advice, if you ever see a glowing book outside your window at night. Don't follow it into the woods. I don't think that's safe at all.

Some pictures told stories. Bizarre stories. Captions are theirs, not mine.

"Enough of your bitch-bitch about carry three rocket *and* book. Everybody carry book. Everybody look for Chandrian. We find them - you be glad you have three rocket."

Before the gentle caress of Rothfuss, this poor soul was lost in self doubt, alcoholism and perhaps mental retardation....

After the gentle caress of Rothfuss, this man has become a success. He is now prepared for the trials and tribulations of everyday nerdom.

A lot of people obviously feel that the book will protect them from harm.

I'm guessing it would stop a sword thrust, now that I'm thinking of it.

Best. Fort. Ever. You'll totally be safe there. At least until one of the Borders staff shows up, bitches you out, and makes you put them back on the shelf....

When I first saw this picture, I really didn't know what to think. Vague threat? Dada art? My editor telling me that I needed to quit blogging and get to work on book two?

Then I realized it was a two-parter meant to demonstrate yet another way that The Name of the Wind can improve your lifestyle. I'm going to give this guy an honorable mention prize if for no other reason than he put my book in his pants.

However, the book is not merely a protective device. Apparently, it's a bit of an ass kicker too.

While I don't condone this sort of violence, I'm willing to bet that those peeps had it coming.

More often than not, my book seemed to get into fights with other books, rather than with sugary confections.

Joe's caption:
The release of the paperback edition of The Name of the Wind sparked a literary war - the Last Great Literary War. It scoured libraries, bookstores, and personal book collections alike. We lost - everyone lost - the world burned. No one saw the sheer awesomeness of a mass-market edition coming. In the end, there could be only one...

A lot of photos set up an antagonistic relationship between The Name of the Wind and another more firmly established fantasy series.

Some of the photos were symbolic.

Others were more passive aggressive.

But this one was my favorite. Runner-up, mostly because of the caption.
Lute-Playing, Wind-Naming, Dragon-Slayer: 7
Boy Wizard With Angst Issues: 0

Really, he never stood a chance.

Notice: No books were harmed in the taking of this photograph. Except for HP2, which had to be emergency rolly-carted out of the area. Trauma Librarians expect a full recovery.
On a side note, if I can't hack it as an author, I think I might try to be a trauma librarian next. That's a job I think I'd enjoy....

(Click to Embiggen)

And the winner.

Undoubtedly this is the goriest book battle ever. It is fair to point out that this was more a battle royal, as opposed to The Name of the Wind taking on all comers. Honestly, I'm just glad that Mists of Avalon took out Dark Tower early on. If not for that, I don't think I would have had much of a chance.

Two categories left. My two favorite categories: "Most Sexy" and "Best Cosplay."

Stay tuned.


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posted by Pat at


Blogger marky said...

All quality photo's! they just keep getting better and better. loved the dude protecting his man wheels with the book. a very good chuckle was had. brilliant!

June 4, 2008 5:21 AM  
Blogger Ryan said...

I love that last one. Although with the number of books in both the Dark Tower and WOT will want to write some reinforcements soon or it could get ugly.

June 4, 2008 5:29 AM  
OpenID suziko said...

The guy with the book down his pants rules. The expression on his face is so funny, and I love how his strategically placed hands make it look as though his shirt reads "folk virgin".

June 4, 2008 6:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Now that is a true FANTASY fan.

June 4, 2008 7:02 AM  
Blogger Wysen said...

Ok, I got a good laugh from the guy protecting his junk with the book. Maybe a new marketing strategy for you for an untapped market. "The Name of the Wind" - Fantastic fantasy novel and protectorate of family jewels.

June 4, 2008 8:17 AM  
OpenID hypermanic-zen said...

When I first saw Joe's literary warfare picture, my initial thought was that all the other books had flapped in, batlike, from around the world to worship at NOTW's feet. Or bottom edge, at least.

June 4, 2008 8:29 AM  
Blogger Captain Joe said...

I think if I'd have been wearing pants, it would have detracted from the underlying meaning in the image as a whole. Also, I was out of pants.

Crotch protection is my number one concern these days. Down here in Australia we have cricket balls flying everywhere. Those things are made out of steel. Hard steel.

Afraid to go outside,


June 4, 2008 8:36 AM  
Anonymous Kellye L. Parish said...

You have to know what a crumpet to understand cricket.

June 4, 2008 8:52 AM  
Blogger sailor matt said...

What the heck is a crumpet? And cricket balls? Sounds those little guys could use some NOTW personal protection as well.

All of captain joe's pics were genius, of course, and hypermanic-zen's re-interpretation suggestion was pretty cool, too.

The guy with the book down his pants was awesome. Us Virginians kick each other in the junk alot, so this could be useful. I don't think the book will help with the "folk virgin" problem, though... that's a different issue all together.

June 4, 2008 9:44 AM  
Blogger Steve Weyerts Jr. said...

A pair of novels for your pair.

June 4, 2008 10:22 AM  
Anonymous Kip, The Potent said...

Joe: The second picture makes me think of the book as some literary hitler.

June 4, 2008 11:44 AM  
Blogger marky said...

Sailor matt.
Crumpets- a bit like a chewy pancake. Best served with jam and a cup of tea. English slang for a girl and/or sexual intercourse.

Cricket balls- no. there not to be found on tree hugging insects. They are used for the game cricket. Invented in England and played better everywhere else. An extremely boring game, were men dress in white clothes and try to hit stumps of wood with said balls.
That’s about it. I’m off to toss ma caber!

June 4, 2008 1:42 PM  
Anonymous Kalligenia said...

Oh, the literary gore! Hmm... makes me wonder what my books are doing at night and how NOTW managed to get to the top of my bookshelf.

June 4, 2008 1:54 PM  
Anonymous Kellye L. Parish said...

Urgh, let's hear it for butchered obscure references.

That was supposed to be, "You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!"

Casey Jones anyone?

KP < (Who has no qualms about hot guys, fictional or not, without their pants on)

June 4, 2008 1:55 PM  
OpenID hypermanic-zen said...

Unfortunately, under new Australian laws, playing cricket with turtles gets you in a lot of trouble. If you're not wearing pants at the time, that escalates pretty severely. Way to totally spoil a great tradition.

June 4, 2008 2:57 PM  
Blogger sailor matt said...

Thanks for the insight, Marky. But I gotta tell you, tossin' the caber sounds a bit like dirty slang...

June 4, 2008 3:30 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...


June 4, 2008 7:43 PM  
Anonymous pdxtrent said...

Joe's sheer awesomeness continues to amaze. The girl dangling is amazing. However, my take on the third pic is different. I see her as one of those book burners, and the fire is turning blue cause the Chandrian are coming.

Look at it again. It's all totally there.....

June 4, 2008 7:54 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

I've totally got your back Kellye. Kasey Jones rocks. Go TMNT!!!

LOL. Caber tossing does sound kind of dirty now that I think about it. Fun to watch tho....urgh, the non dirty version... *shakes head* I'll just toddle off now

June 4, 2008 10:43 PM  
Blogger marky said...

Please people!! I fail to see how me, chucking about a large piece of wood can be misconstrued as dirty slang?? Wash your minds out with soap!
I’m off to blow my bag pipes!

June 5, 2008 2:04 AM  
Blogger sailor matt said...

*sigh* you're worse than a sailor.

June 5, 2008 6:14 AM  
Anonymous Kip, Smarf said...

Caber, Fucking A. And Bagpipes. I want to party with this dude. Do you know what's fun? AXE THROWING!!! not those sissy little hand axes, or 2.5 ft long axes. But the Big 3+ ft long double bit lumberjack style axes.

Kvothe should take up axe throwing as a hobby. and bagpipes.

June 5, 2008 9:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hary Potter had theabuse coming. He is a wanker

June 5, 2008 12:14 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

haha, it would be funny to see Kvothe trying to sneak in bagpipe practice at the university. I can see it now, the whole campus asleep as he makes his way, sneak thief across the tops of buildings to end up in the blocked of courtyard. At first there would only be the hum of bagpipe as it filled up, but then *wham* the full on glory of an out of tune, over aggressive beginner killing off an entire campus with mass heart attacks.

bagpipes: 10 silver talents.

Innocent bystanders harmed: a lot

Killing off Ambrose in a way that cannot be connected to Kvothe: priceless.

June 5, 2008 12:32 PM  
Anonymous Kip loves potatoes. said...

I bet he could do a performance worth his pipes!

Get It I made a cheesy Pun! YAY!

Yeah that scene wouldn't have been the same with him using bagpipes.

June 5, 2008 2:31 PM  
Blogger Mary J. said...

Happy birthday!

June 6, 2008 10:44 AM  
Blogger marky said...

Co` latha breith sona dhuibh!

June 6, 2008 12:05 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Happy Birthday, Pat!

I bet you had a cake with a picture of the paperback on it.

June 6, 2008 3:52 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

Wow, today is your birthday too? AWESOME!!!! Go us! How much fun did you have on 6/6/06? People were running around calling me the antichrist because I was turning 16. Good times... Anyway, woot woot I'm 18 now and the sexy, pantless, captain joe is welcome anytime in the states. ;)

P.S. I'm ready to rip my friend's face off because she hasn't read NOTW yet and I want to read it again. *sigh* So hard to find good minions these days.

June 6, 2008 6:22 PM  
Blogger Captain Joe said...

Angela said: Anyway, woot woot I'm 18 now and the sexy, pantless, captain joe is welcome anytime in the states. ;)

This statement is both appropriate and somewhat flattering. And true in so many ways... Happy days.

Pat, happy birthday!

Kelly, qualms only ever slow you down.

pdxtrent, sheer awesomeness is awesome.

Captain Joe, go to the pub.


June 6, 2008 10:31 PM  

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