Pat,

I know you're busy, so I won't take up much of your time. I want to be a writer (Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to read anything of mine.)

I was just wondering if you have any advice for new writers. Just one piece would be really helpful…

Love the book,

Becky

Heya Becky,

Over the last few years, I've heard this question a lot. It comes up in e-mails and interviews with clockwork regularity.

Despite that, it's a question I never mind answering. I like giving advice, and I like talking about writing. So this one's a twofer for me.

That said, my answer tends to change. If I'm reading something that irritates me, my advice might center around how to avoid that particular irritation. Sometimes it just depends on my mood, or what I'm working on in my own revisions.

But I've also noticed a slow change in how I think of this question as time goes on. Sometimes my answer centers around the nuts and bolts of the craft: revision, or character, or how to comport yourself professionally at a convention.

But more and more, I tend to answer this question in more practical terms. While these snippets of advice tends to be much more universal and useful that talking about managing POV, interviewers seem to be put off by it.

I've come to realize that when an interviewer asks me, "Can you give one piece of advice for new writers?" what they're really looking for is something pithy and encouraging. They want me to say "Reach for the Stars!" or "Never give up!"

But that's not really good advice. I mean, you could really hurt your shoulder reaching for the stars. Good advice is occasionally disheartening. "Come to grips with the inevitability of rejection." Or "Don't quit your day job."

Once, I had a lovely 30 minute phone interview that ended roughly like this:

Thanks for the interview, Pat.

My pleasure.

In closing, if you could give one piece of advice to new writers, what would it be?

Live somewhere cheap.

I beg your pardon?

Odds are, it's going to take you a long time to finish your novel. Then it's going to take you a long time to break into the publishing world. That means you're effectively going to be working at a job that will pay you nothing, and you're going to be doing it for years. So you should live somewhere cheap.

I was thinking something more along the lines of worldbuilding….

If you live somewhere like Seattle or Manhattan or LA, you're going to have to shell out thousands of dollars just in rent. If you have to work three jobs just to pay your rent, when are you going to find the time to write?

Do you know how I managed to keep working on my first novel for 14 years without starving to death?

Student loans? Some sort of trust fund?

Shit no. I learned how to live cheap. Up until 2005, I never paid more than $225 a month for rent.

Wh-- how?

I'm a good bargainer. And I had roommates. And small-town Wisconsin is a cheap place to live.

Also, I lived in some real shitholes from time to time. But you know what? You can write in a shithole. You can't write when you're working 70 hours a week.

[chuckles nervously] Well, I think that's about all the time we have….

Hell, I was so poor for a while I qualified for low-income housing back in 2004. Those places were pretty nice, actually.

Remember to turn in next week, folks. Thanks again, Pat.

Did you know that if you boil a paper shopping bag long enough, it makes something that's almost like soup?

[Cut to static]

Okay, I made up the part about paper bags, but the rest of it is true.

The nice thing about being a writer is that you can do it pretty much anywhere. If you want to be a Hollywood actor, you have to live in LA. If you want to be a professional pianist or a ballet dancer, your options are pretty limited. But if you want to write, you can live whereverthehell you want.



For example, back in 1994 I lived in a one-bedroom apartment with a shared bathroom down the hallway. The rent was $135 a month, everything included. My friends called the place: "The Pit."

I was really poor back then. I was working three little part-time jobs and paying my own tuition. I didn't even have a telephone because the 30 bucks every month for basic service was money I could really use for other things. Like food. You can eat for a month on 30 bucks if you're careful.

Was the place a shithole? Absolutely. Was it inconvenient not having a phone? Of course. Hell, at one point my parents took out a classified add in the college newspaper because they had no other way to get in touch with me.

But I had time to write.

In fact, I distinctly remember writing Kvothe's first admissions interview while living there. And his first class with Hemme. I was pretty proud of those scenes, and they didn't change all that much between there and the final version of the book.

Best of all, living cheaply is a skill that will serve you well *after* you're a published writer too. Especially if you're writing Fantasy or Sci-fi. Tobias Buckell did some research into the advances a new writer gets for a first novel. And, on average, it's not a ton of money.

So there you go, Becky. My advice for a new writer. Live somewhere cheap. Sorry if it's not the gem of wisdom you were looking for, but really, what would you do with a gem of wisdom anyway? This is more like a muffin of wisdom. Everyone likes muffins.

Later all,

pat

Labels: Ask the Author, Fanmail Q + A, my student days

Over the years, I've learned a lot about women.

When I was younger, I was the guy all the girls came to for relationship advice. Don't ask me why. I'd never actually had a relationship. But I was thoughtful, and a good listener, and I didn't openly gawk at their breasts. (I did gawk, of course, I just wasn't rude about it.)

These three things may not seem like much, but from what I understand they rarely come together in a 16 year old boy. The result was that most girls found me to be trustworthy, fun to be around, and neuter as a Ken doll.

But I learned a lot by listening to their relationship problems. I learned what irritated them, what they really wanted in a relationship (or said they wanted, anyway), and the sort of jerky things guys were capable of.

Eventually I started to develop a list of things you should never do in a relationship. Rules of conduct that should never be broken. I continued building that list all through college.

Now I'm not talking about the obvious stuff here. Rules like, "Don't sleep with your girlfriend's sister." or "Don't jab her in the eye with a pointy stick." Shit like that is obvious.

My rules were more specific, but other people had paid for them in blood.

A few real examples:

* Never tell a woman she looks like her pet.

* Never compare a woman to a cow.

* Never compare a woman to any sort of cheese.

Maybe those last two don't happen so much outside of Wisconsin. But trust me, you really can't pull them off. Dairy products are fine. If you're careful, you can use creamy or milky. You can even, depending on the situation, get away with buttery. But cheese is right out. It can't be done in a good way.

Later on in life, as I started to date more, I began to add new rules based on my own experiences. Things like:

* Don't break up with a girl then send her roommate a love letter.

* Don't invite four different women to the same poetry reading. Especially if one of them is your ex-girlfriend, one is your current girlfriend, and one is the girl who kinda wants to be your girlfriend.

That last one might seem a little specific, and it is, I suppose. But if I can keep even one other person from making that mistake, I will be doing the world a very big favor.

Now some of you may scoff at my list of rules. Thinking them bizarre and overly specific. I don't really feel the need to defend myself or prove the efficacy of my system. Simply look at me, then look at my past girlfriends, all of whom have been lovely, intelligent, and sexy as hell. My results speak for themselves.

I'm not claiming to have it all figured out. Far from it. I'm still adding things to my list all the time.

For example, the other day I'm laying in bed with Sarah and little Oot. Because Oot is a happy little bundle of cute, Sarah experienced a moment of what I call Mom Bliss. I'm pretty sure this is an evolutionary thing. Specifically, it's a rush of endorphins designed to make moms adore their children, rather than devour them.

So we're all on the bed and Oot kinda squirms around, looks up at us, and gives us one of his trademarked triple-distilled cuteness grins. Then he makes a happy little shriek that sounds like he's trying to speak dolphin.

This presses Sarah's mom button, and the endorphins hit her brain like a pixie stick dissolved in a jam-jar full of heroin.

"Oh!" Sarah says, her eyes all dewy with Agape-style love. "This is so great! I'm in bed with my two favorite people!"

"Yeah," I say, pretty much agreeing with her. "It's kinda like a lame three-way."


New rule: Do not refer to quality time with mom and baby as "kinda like a lame three-way."

Here endeth the lesson.

pat

Labels: day in the life, my dumbness, Oot, Sarah, small adventures

I really don't go in for talking about current events on the blog. The main reason for this is the fact that I am profoundly out of touch with the outside world. I don't have cable and I don't watch the news. On the rare occasion I miss the news and feel the need to absorb some fearmongering bullshit, I just drop a tab of acid and read a Lovecraft story. There's less pretense that way.

I generally assume that if something really interesting happens, one of my friends will tell me, or it will show up in some of the webcomics I read. In a pinch, I assume I'll simply absorb the knowledge through the aether, have it beamed into my mind with alien space rays, or apprehend it directly through examination of my Socratic soul using the dialectic.

I'm well aware that this isn't the most efficient or comprehensive way to aggregate information. But it still beats the hell out of watching Fox News.

The other reason I don't talk much about the issues on here is that when things are big enough to be interesting, they also tend to be so big that it's hard for me to form easily encapsulated opinions about them.

For example, when there was the big kerfuffle about Google digitizing a shitload of books and thereby egregiously violating international copyright law, I was interested. Anything dealing with intellectual property rights effects me personally and professionally. So I read a bunch of stuff about it, thought some thoughts, and had a few really good conversations with a few of my librarian friends.

The upshot of my research? It's a really complicated issue, and I have mixed feelings about it. Is Google being a bit of a dick and doing morally questionable stuff? Absolutely. But.... Well.... It's more complicated than that.

See? Any blog I wrote on the issue would be nothing more than a long-winded shrug. Not terribly fun to write, and not particularly entertaining to read.

That's my recent take on the current Amazon dealio.

For those of you who haven't heard. Amazon (the bookseller) recently got into a bit of an argument with Macmillan (a book publisher) about e-book pricing. As a result, Amazon pulled all of Macmillan's books off their website. Not just the e-books. All the books.

I've done some research and talked to some people and my conclusion is that.

1. This is a big deal.

2. Amazon is being a bit of a dick, and attempting to bully folks in order to get more of the publishing pie than is really fair.

This feels weird for me to say, because honestly, Amazon has been good to me over the years. They gave me good reviews and really helped promote my book early on. It was really nice.

But it really doesn't matter how good they've been to me in the past. If you're nice to me, then beat up my neighbor for his lunch money, you're still a bully. I'm afraid there's just no way around it.

3. This whole thing is pretty complicated, and I'm not well informed enough make any real intelligent assessment of the overall situation or what it might mean for publishing, DRM, or the future of e-books.

If you're interested in that sort of thing, you might want to check out this blog written by the lovely and talented Charles Stross. He understands the landscape of publishing WAY better than me and does a great job of summing things up.

Amazon, Macmillan: an outsider's guide to the fight.

Here's also a blog from Tobias Buckell that has more technical details. He does some of the math for you and explains what all this really means in a delightfully low-bullshit way.

Link to Buckell's blog.

Here's the public statement from Macmillan too.

I'm bringing this to your attention because if you're like me, you sometimes miss things like this unless someone points them out. Also, I'm guessing most of you kinda like books.

I like books too, and while two companies having a corporate slapfight might seem far removed from the book you pick up, read, and enjoy, the truth is that these corporate manoeuvrings have very real effects on which books get published in the future, their quality, and how well authors get treated in the process.

If anyone else has relevant links they'd like to post in the comments below, please feel free to do so. I'm way too tired to dig up more stuff right now. I've got to go to bed.

We're living in interesting times, folks....

pat

Labels: a few words you're probably going to have to look up, Amazon, Things I didn't know about publishing

Those of you who read last week's blog about the Gaiman-Day scale of coolness might be interested in this picture:


These are just the weekly stats, and my numbers are artificially inflated by my recent blog post. But still, if you're like me, it's nice to get to play with the cool kids, even if it's just for a week or so.


In other news, we're still dealing with the aftermath of this year's fundraiser. It's going a lot slower this year because we've got WAY more stuff to sort, package, and ship out.

Just to give you a basis for comparison, this was our prize shelf last year:


I was really proud of that shelf and all the authors that contributed to it. But still, you can see that a lot of the books on there are mine.

These are our prize shelves this year...


Huzzah.

This doesn't even include all the swag from Subterranean Press, as they're shipping out their own books. (God bless them.)

Try not to be distracted by the extreme coolness of my brick-and-board shelves which, I would like to mention, I put up by my very own self.

As you can see, a *lot* more authors chipped in this year. Which gives me a warm, glowy feeling of goodwill toward the entire sci-fi & fantasy community. It goes without saying that the donations from DAW and Gollancz made a world of difference, too.

And just so you know, we're not contacting all the winners beforehand. It would be *way* too much work. You'll know you've won something when a package shows up in the mail. Please don't e-mail to ask if you've won....

[Edit 2-2-10 Answers to a few questions:

I'm not going to post up a list of everyone's names that that won, because not everyone wants their name posted up on the internet. Just in case any of you were wondering, it's not cool to post personal information about people on the internet without asking first.

I'm not going to e-mail everyone asking if I can post their info up on the net either. Because, well... duh.

What I will be doing is asking folks to take pictures of themselves and their prizes, then we'll post them up here. That way, even if you didn't win something yourself, you can live vicariously through the joy of others. That's kinda what worldbuilders is all about.

The big winners I've already contacted personally. The people who won Gaiman and Sanderson's books, as well as the guy who won the golden ticket. I'll be putting up some information about them, if they're cool with it.

We can ship to PO boxes just fine. Don't worry about it. If something is strange or confusing about your address, rest assured that we'll contact you to sort it out.
End edit.]


More blogs on the way....

pat

Labels: my rockstar life, Worldbuilders 2009

It's been a while since I answered an e-mail from a reader. How about we do that?

Pat,

I just wanted to say I've loved The Name of the Wind for over a year now, but I just recently found your website. Your blog has kept me laughing for almost two solid weeks as I go back and read the archives. That's something I've never done with a blog before.

Even better, your fundraiser was seriously amazing this year.

Seriously, how cool are you?

Jake

Jake,

You strike on a topic I've been curious about for some time. How cool am I?

As I've mentioned before in the blog, growing up, I wasn't one of the cool kids. But things change, and these days geek is chic. I'm willing to admit to the fact that these days, I might actually be a little cool.

Your letter poses an interesting problem though. If you'd simply asked, "Are you cool?" I could have gotten away with answering "maybe" or "kinda." But you've asked for a _degree_ of coolness. What's more, you've requested that I *seriously* consider the problem.

That means we need to use science and shit. We need quantifiable units of coolness that we can plug into formulas. We need to be rigorous.

Unfortunately, to the best of my knowledge, the BIPM hasn't established a standard unit by which we can measure coolness. I can't just tell you that I'm say, 85 pascals of cool. Or 158 newtons. Or whatever.

That means if we want to determine how cool I am, we have to measure me against some sort of universally accepted standard of cool. We need to develop our own yardstick, as it were.

So, let's pick two people who are undeniably cool. The king and queen of geek cool: Felicia Day and Neil Gaiman.

Now we need some numbers. While popularity isn't quite the same thing as cool, you have to admit they're closely related. Since I don't have access to things like book sales or website hits, we'll have to go to the lowest common denominator: Facebook.

(Yes, I know. Technically, Myspace would be the lowest common denominator. But there's only so low I'm willing to go, even for science.)

A quick search of fan pages reveals the following stats.

Felicia: 192,000 fans.

Neil: 90,000 fans.

Me: 10,000 fans.

Now we could stop here and say, that I'm about .05 as cool as Felicia. Or that I'm roughly .11 of a Gaiman. Or something like that.

But drawing data from only one source strikes me as slipshod. To round things out, why don't we take a look at Goodreads rankings?

Here's a screenshot of their list of most-followed people.

[Edit: Yes, I know these numbers have changed since I took the screenshot. I'm not redoing the math.]


As a side note, you can see that according to Goodreads, I'm ever-so slightly cooler than Wil Wheaton. I like how it looks like his little Lego man is pissed at me for being above him.

"Curse you, Rothfuss," Lego-Wheaton says. "How dare you get between me and Felicia day?"

"Takest not that tone with me," Russian-dictator-looking-Rothfuss glowers from above. "Lest I crush you with my manly, blue-lit beard."

"Bring it Hagrid," he replies. "I'll beat you like a redheaded stepchild."

"What are you going to use?" I say. "Your kung-fu grip? Hell, you don't even have any elbows!"

Wait... Sorry, what was I talking about again?

Oh. Right. Coolness. I guess I lost a few points just there.

Anyway, as you can see things stand like this:

Me: 383 friends, 308 people following my reviews.

Felicia: 2,710 friends, 380 people following her reviews.

Not pictured above, Neil Gaiman sits at #1 on this list. Topping the chart on a mountain of cool with 5,175 friends and 3,133 people following his reviews.

Let's just combine these for simplicity's sake:

Gaiman: 8308

Felicia: 3090

Me: 691

Because the Facebook numbers are really high compared to Goodreads, we have to normalize them by multiplying by .045. (Don't ask how I got there. It's boring. If you understand statistics, you know how it works.) That gives us:

Gaiman: 4050

Felicia: 8550

Me: 450

So we add these together and apply the bonus multipliers.

Gaimain:
Medium Bonus - Novels, Comics, Movies, Audiobooks: *1.4

Association Bonus - Engaged to Amanda Palmer *1.5

Flair Bonus - Accent *1.4

Appearance Bonus: Sexy *1.5

12358 *1.4 *1.5 *1.4 *1.5 = 54499


Felicia:
Medium Bonus - Television, Webisodes, Comics: *1.3
(The Guild comic is coming out soon, in case you didn't know.)

Association Bonus - Works with Joss Whedon *1.6

Flair Bonus - Smells like flowers and PS3 *1.3

Appearance Bonus: Sexy *1.5

11640 *1.3 *1.6 *1.2 *1.5 = 47212

Me:
Flair Bonus: Beard *1.2

Penalty: Engaging in imaginary smack talk with Lego-Wheaton. *.09

1141 *1.2 *0.9 = 1232


You still with me? Now we have to create our yardstick for the measurement of geek-coolness. Imagine if Neil Gaiman and Felicia Day were somehow alchemically combined into one creature. Some ubercool, sexy, hermaphroditic, webisode-creating, rockstar, gamer, author thing.

I think it's safe to say that godlike creature would be the ultimate amalgam of geek cool.

So if we add together the scores of Neil Gaiman and Felicia Day, we get roughly 100,000 units. These I hereby term Gaiman-Day units. They will hereafter be used to determine how cool someone is. 100,000 Gaiman-Day units is the coolest you can be without collapsing into some manner of singularity.

So there we go. Now we have a way to quantify how cool I am, Jake. I am exactly 1232 Gaiman-Day units of cool. Only about one percent as cool as it's possible to be.

I hope this answers your question, Jake.


pat

Labels: facebook, Fanmail Q + A, Felicia Day, Goodreads, Neil Gaiman, Science, Wil Wheaton

Y'know, as much as I love doing the fundraiser, I'm glad it's over.

I started writing this blog mostly to relax, share interesting news, and amuse myself. I like to cuss in my posts and make the occasional odd joke about clown sex. But, strangely enough, I don't feel comfortable doing those things in the middle of a charity fundraiser.

Now that we're done being all charitable on the blog, I can get back to buisiness as usual here. Which is to say I can get back to not doing business and start screwing around instead.

Rest assured that in a week or so I'll post up some final details about the fundraiser, and some exciting news about a few things that happened right at the end. But right now we're dealing with the aftermath, assigning prizes, waiting for checks to clear, and preparing to wrap and package roughly a zillion books.

[Editorial note: Don't email me asking if you won anything. Seriously.]

As many of you might remember from last year's fundraiser, Sarah was my plucky assistant who worked tirelessly behind the scenes, helping me manage donations, take pictures of books, and package all the prizes.

This year, however, she's been absolutely no help at all. When I asked her why she was being such a slacker, she reminded me that we had a baby now, and that boobing him took priority over pretty much everything else.

What's that? Can I post a picture of him? You bet your ass I can....


Here Oot accompanied by one of his compatriots: Friendly Carrot. Not pictured here are Crazy Chicken, Subtle the Colorful Not-Mime, and Perverted Elephant.

Anyway, since Sarah is busy cooing and gurgling, I needed someone else to help me tend to the shop, as it were. That meant that until little Oot is old enough to copyedit, I needed an assistant.

So, without any further ado, I'd like to introduce you to Valerie:


Valerie has been helping me take care of a lot of the epiphenomena that tend to clutter up my life. She does research, organizes stuff, takes care of mail, runs errands....

Generally speaking, she takes care of a bunch of stuff for me, leaving me more time to work on the book.

Over the last two months, that means Valerie has been doing a lot of the heavy lifting behind the scenes of Worldbuilders. She takes pictures of the donations and has managed all the personalized books and posters people bought to support the cause.

She's also been stockpiling the materials we'll need to package up this year's prizes.


Suffice to say that without her help, Worldbuilders would have been a chaotic mess, and I wouldn't have gotten a lick of work done on my revisions.

Anyway, she's been working really hard on all this stuff. So I figured it was high time I introduced her...

Say hello Valerie.

Hello.

No. Sorry. That won't work. You can't be purple, Sarah's purple. There will be mass confusion. You'll have to pick a different colour.

I like green. Can I be green?

That suits you, but it's a little too bright. Could you bring it down a bit?

How about this?

Perfect.

Everyone, meet Valerie. Valerie, this is everyone.

Say hello, everyone.

pat

Labels: epiphenomena, Oot, Sarah, Valerie, Worldbuilders 2009

This is a Worldbuilders blog.





Well folks, here's the last of the prizes, and the last of the author interviews.

Read on, and find out why Peter V. Brett is my new best friend.


Heya Brett. Before we start, could you give us some of the details about how awesome you are? Y'know, awards, how many foreign countries your books have sold in. Stuff like that. Dazzle us.

Awesome, right. Let's see... The Warded Man (AKA The Painted Man) was written on my cellphone during my subway commute to work. In many circles, I am more famous for that than the book itself.

No, seriously:

(You can read articles about it: here, here or here.)

Despite having been written with my thumbs, it was named one of Amazon UK's 10 Best Science Fiction and Fantasy Books of 2008, and has since sold in 18 countries and 17 languages so far (closed a deal in Turkey just a couple of days ago. Very excited about that for multiple reasons). It has been a bestseller in the US, UK, Poland, and Germany that I know of.

The series has been optioned for film by Hollywood director Paul WS Anderson and producer Jeremy Bolt, who have done such movies as Event Horizon, Death Race, Pandorum, and the Resident Evil franchise.

Er... I am also devastatingly handsome, and make babies with the kind of auburn hair I am told women pay vast amounts of money to their colorists for. I drew the little chapter avatars in the US version of The Warded Man myself.

And he also makes julienne fries ladies and gentlemen. Order yours today!

Let's start with an easy question. If you were a cake, what sort of cake would you be?

The kind that's been sitting on the counter a long time and is sort of stale so you don't really want to eat it right this second but keep it around in case you suddenly wake up desperate for cake in the middle of the night.

What are you reading right now?

I just got over the flu, so I got a lot of reading done, including Brandon Sanderson's new Wheel of Time book, The Gathering Storm, which I admit I really enjoyed even though Brandon is my nemesis. I think Jordan's spirit is pleased. I also read Shadow's Edge by Brent Weeks and Legend by David Gemmell. I'm trying to decide between starting Mistborn by Sanderson or Acacia by David Anthony Durham next. In the meantime I am reading a bunch of comic books I've accumulated over the last few weeks.

All this reading feels good. For the last couple of years I've been too focused on my own writing to read much else, and I think that was unhealthy. I also had trouble turning off my internal editor, which sucks a lot of the fun out of reading.

If you had to pick your favorite book of all time, what would it be?

Ugh. Hard. Favorites shift with my moods. Let's broaden a bit. My Personal Top 5:

The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien
The Elfstones of Shannara by Terry Brooks
A Game of Thrones by George RR Martin
The Shadow Rising by Robert Jordan
Shogun by James Clavell

You're relatively new to the publishing world. How has getting your book published changed your life?

Man, you have no idea...

Oh, wait. Yes you do.

I sold in mid 2007, and since then, pretty much EVERYTHING in my life has changed. One minute I was begging someone, anyone, to please read my book, and the next I'm answering fan mail from Australia and Japan. In addition to selling and deciding to write full time, my wife lost her job, we had a baby, and bought a new apartment.

Even though it's mostly been great stuff that I always dreamed about, I really felt like the rug was pulled out from under me, as all the constants in my life up to that point vanished. I didn't know which way was up, and felt an incredible pressure to write a sequel that wouldn't let down the readers who loved the first book. It was doubly hard because I was doing much of it as a zombie on the baby's bi-hourly feeding schedule while we fretted over money, the cost of health insurance, etc.

Your blog helped me a lot as I adjusted to the change. Seeing someone else going through many of the same things (and coming out the other end of it) made it a little easier for me.

That's nice to hear. Sometimes I would write some of those blogs and then think, "Why am I telling people this? Why am I burdening people with my emo bullshit?"

I know that feeling well, but the people who would feel burdened by hearing about your life probably don't read your blog. I've found that blogging about my life helps me order my thoughts and keep things in perspective.

How often do you check your amazon sales rank?

Far too often. It is a sick, sick obsession. I also have google scour the internets and read every single review, no matter how nut-crunching.

Oh man. Google Alerts? I've avoided that particular madness by the clever application of my own ignorance. I don't know how to set it up. I just trust that if something important enough happens, someone will e-mail me.

That is probably wise of you. Google alerts takes about 3 seconds and the internet know-how of a shoe to set up, but it's probably best you never open that door.

How many copies of your own books do you currently own?

I have two shelves of my own books. One has two copies of each version/translation for my personal collection. So far that is 16 distinct volumes, so there are 32 books in my personal collection. These books are precious to me, and I guard them like my young.

The other shelf has books I am free to give away, and I try to run contests and things on my blog to keep those moving. That shelf has another 47 books at the moment, in various languages.

Wow. Specific numbers. Nobody else has been that forthcoming yet.

What are they hiding, do you think? Secret bunkers of their books in case of apocalypse?

Absolutely. I assume everyone buys their own first book obsessively, usually in conjunction with checking their Amazon sales rank.

Okay. Before this interview goes any farther, I have a confession to make.

You were one of the first people to send your books into the fundraiser, and while I was sitting up with my baby one night, I didn't have anything to read. Your books were sitting right there.... So I read one. That's not something I normally do with donations, but it was just sitting there. Taunting me.

Admission of guilt is the first step towards absolution, my friend. I think if you put a note in the front of the book saying "I read this one; the cookie crumbs and coffee stains are mine. Love, Pat" whoever wins the book will forgive the fact that it is second-hand, since they will probably get a lot more for it on eBay.

Boy, are you sure? I never write in books other than when I sign my own for people. I think it's a sin, isn't it?

This is a special case. Anyone who wins it in the Heifer fundraiser will probably be more a fan of yours than mine, anyway, and I give you leave to illuminate my book with your delicate cursive... or deface it with your chicken-scratch, if your handwriting is anything like mine. (Thank goodness we live in the computer age.)

Okay. If you're sure...

• A copy of The Warded Man by Peter V. Brett. Signed by the author... and another author who read it.

Feel free to add "It didn't suck" to your note...

Man, way better than that. I have to say, your book was really fucking good.

!! Do go on...

Okay, to be completely honest with you, I was really ready to dislike it. I'm not proud of this... but, I'd heard you'd already got a movie deal going, so I was a little jealous. And you wrote it on the subway, so I was ready to be all snarky about that, too.

I was kinda expecting you to be Paolini of the F-train. His book got popular because he was so young, and I assumed yours just got attention because of the subway gimmick.

I should know better than jump to conclusions like that, of course. But I can be just as ignorant and petty as the next guy... And I was totally wrong, your book is, like .5 of a Whedon on the coolness scale.

Firefly Whedon or Dollhouse Whedon?

There is only one Whedon, and I am his prophet.

Did you see that time in Astonishing X-Men when he made xxx Xxxxxx Xxxx xxxxxxxx? That was AWESOME.

That was awesome. He caught me off guard like he always does. That's one of his gifts, in my opinion. He's exceptionally good at coming at any sort of story from a fresh direction.

Sorry I xxx-ed out your potential spoiler, by the way. I have issues.

Back to the point though. I really dug your book even though I didn't want to like it at first...

I understand completely. So long as we're being honest, I felt the same way about you at first. When my book first came out last year, it seemed like every other review was referring to it as "The best new fantasy since The Name of the Wind". I know it was meant as a compliment, but after it happened a few times, it started to stick in my craw. My inner insecurity began translating that as "this is a good book, but TNotW is a better one." Grr.

I didn't know anything about you or TNotW at the time, so I picked up a copy to see what all the fuss was about. Admittedly, I went in with more than a little bias, ready to pounce on any flaws I could find just to make myself feel better.

Of course, I ended up utterly charmed, and when I started reading your blog and saw what a nice guy you were, I realized I was being a bit of a dick.

Heh. The same thing happened with me when my book came out. Everyone was like, "Pat Rothfuss is the next Scott Lynch!" I remember thinking, "Can't I just be the first Pat Rothfuss? I've got a lot more experience being that."

Ha. I just feel sorry for the poor schmo who gets saddled with being the next Peter Brett. That's no prize.

So.... Now that we're friends and all, is there any chance I could get an early look at Desert Spear? I'll do just about anything to get a copy. I'm not joking here. I'd choke a nun.

Hrm. Well, here's the thing. I only have 4 advance read copies, and two of them have been promised to fans as prizes in an ongoing contest on my blog. The other two are my personal copies, on the aforementioned "precious" shelf. They are so beautiful, the paired books on that shelf, like a little Noah's Ark of books. Even my mom doesn't have a Desert Spear ARC.

But that said, maybe if there were a way to make the copy eventually go to charity...

I wouldn't want to steal one of your personal copies. Like I said, I understand the book-hoarding impulse....

Actually, I made a plea to Del Rey, and they shook loose another copy for me to send you. You know. For charity.

Muahahahaha! Witness my power! No. Wait. I mean... that will be a great addition to the fundraiser. This is all about charity you know...

Just put it and The Warded Man in a plain brown box labeled "Pat's used books" and add it to the lottery.

Done:

• An ARC of The Desert Spear by Peter V. Brett.

What's the most shameful self-promotional thing you've ever done?

I brought chocolate cake with icing wards to a signing at ComicCon just to entice people over. In my defense, it was my birthday.

You were at Comic-Con this year?

New York, not San Diego. I usually go to SDCC, but my daughter was born on that exact weekend in 2008, so I think I may miss it until she is old enough for me to convince her that an airplane hanger full of 200,000 cosplayers is a birthday treat.

If you play your cards right, you should be able to convince her that it's a special birthday party just for her.

That's the plan.

What is the best compliment you've ever received?

Milla Jovovich hugged me and told me she loved my book.

Oh man. Now I'm filled with terrible rage and jealousy. I think I might hate you again....

Uh-oh.

What's the most hurtful thing someone has ever said in a review of your book?

A lot of readers try to pinpoint my personal morality and politics from the book. Sometimes they are wrong and say terrible things about my beliefs that are really upsetting. A few times I have tried to engage those critics in a polite, calm, and non-confrontational manner, just to set the record straight. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes it is a clusterfuck.

Two extra points for use of the word 'clusterfuck.' Do you have a particular piece of grammar that you screw up regularly?

I grew reading a lot of British fantasy (Tolkien, CS Lewis, Lewis Carroll, etc.) so there are a lot of Britishisms I use without realizing it. My copyeditors hate me.

If you could punch one literary figure in the face, who would it be?

I challenged Brent Weeks to a knife fight at the World Fantasy Convention this year, Beat It style, but he'd left his switchblade in his room so we just drank scotch instead.

Rumor has it that Voltaire wrote on the naked backs of his lovers. Do you have any little rituals that help you write?

I write very long books, so I would need many lovers.

That's what I keep telling Sarah, but she isn't buying it. How long was the Warded Man, anyway? It didn't feel very long at all....

The Warded Man was 163,000 words, give or take. The first draft was closer to 180,000, but I cut a lot in the final editing pass. The Desert Spear, however, weighs in at a hefty 240,000 words, and that's AFTER the heavy cutting. It's no Wise Man's Fear, but the hardcover will still make an effective bludgeon.

I hear you about the cutting. Over the years I'm guessing I cut over 100,000 words out of The Name of the Wind.

Speaking of which, I had an idea when I was interviewing Weeks a while back. It turns out he cuts a lot of stuff too. I'm thinking it would be cool to collect some deleted scenes from some other fantasy authors, put them into an anthology along with some commentary by the authors.

We could call it Worldbuilders, and some of the money it made could go to help match funds for the Worldbuilders fundraiser. I'll admit it's just a pipe dream so far, but what do you think?

It's a good dream.

I saw that interview, where you both were talking about having cut the first sections from your books. I don't know if this is just the case for all new writers, but the Prologue to The Warded Man was cut just prior to publication as well. I have a whole page of my website devoted to excised material, along with essays as to why things were cut. If you ever want to do a Worldbuilders anthology, I will be happy to contribute.

Rock. On. I'm so going to make this happen.

In the meantime, I still need to make a donation to Worldbuilders for this year. I don't feel right about entering the lottery, though. Would it be possible for me to made a modest addition to the pool helping to match donations?

Oh merciful Buddha, are you serious? Some cash to help match donations would be the best thing ever.

Last year the fundraiser really tapped me out financially, so I was trying to be more careful this year when I said I'd only match 50%. But we've ended up raising WAY more than I expected. We're already over 115,000 dollars. Even with Subterranean Press matching the first 10,000, that still leaves me stretched really thin.

I never planned on Worldbuilders being a one-man show. I'd always hoped some other folks would offer to help match donations, or maybe do fundraisers or auctions of their own to help Worldbuilders raise funds to match donations....

But you're the first to actually offer.

Anyway, the short answer is "Yes." I'd love to have you onboard helping to match donations.

You are now officially my new best friend.

*Ahem.* Anyway... back to the pre-tangent question. Do you have any weird writing habits?

Sometimes when I have writer's block I will sync whatever chapter I am working on to my phone and write on the subway. For some odd reason, that always clears the block. No idea why.

That's another reason the Voltaire thing wouldn't work for you. It'd be hard to get properly intimate on the F-Train. People would complain about how many seats you were taking up.

You'd be surprised what you can get away with on the F...

I recently made a joke about "transition putty" on my blog. That being, of course, what we writers buy at Home Depot to smooth out our rough transitions. If you could have some sort of handyman tool like that, something like Plot Spackle or a Character Level. What would it be?

I wish I could go buy a box of minor character names like I can a box of nails. Look at all the trouble it's causing you. You had to start a whole contest to get some ideas.

Heh. You detected my clever scheme, did you? Keep quiet about it and I'll cut you in for 10% of the names.

Mum's the word.

Those are all the questions I have. Thanks much for the interview, and double thanks for being willing to help out Worldbuilders as our first official author Sponsor. I can't thank you enough for that.

Oh, and next time you see Milla, give her a hug for me....

Will do. Thanks so much for having me on the blog, and for all the great work you're doing with Heifer. I'm glad I could do my own little part to help.


Personally, I can't think of a better way to end the last post of the fundraiser: our first author sponsor. Hopefully the first of many.

• Four copies of The Warded Man by Peter V. Brett. Signed by the Author.
  

Labels: cool things, Me Interviewing Other Folks, Peter V. Brett, Worldbuilders 2009