Okay. I'm pretty sure I've already pointed out Sinfest to y'all. But this one really cracked me up. I keep going back to the page, re-reading it, and laughing. So go read it then come back here. I'll wait...
Okay. For those of you who don't already know, I live in Wisconsin. In the winter, Wisconsin is cold. For some of you who don't live in a similar climate, it's probably hard for you to understand how cold. Recently we've been having a few snaps around here where it drops down to more than 20 below, not counting the wind-chill.
Don't get me wrong. I know other places are colder. I'm not trying to start a my-home-is-colder-than-your-home sort of pissing contest here. Because, honestly, pissing at these temperatures can be downright dangerous. I'm just laying the groundwork for a story here. I'm setting the scene. Wisconsin + Winter = Cold (+/- Damn).
Another thing that you might not know is the fact that I like squirrels. Mostly I like the big fluffy grey ones. When I have more free time, and the weather is more clement, I have been known to keep peanuts in my coat pocket. Then, if I see a squirrel and I don't have anything pressing to do, I sit down and spend a half hour slowly gaining the trust of a squirrel until they feel comfortable coming to take the peanut out of my hand.
Knowing these two things, you can understand that when I found a dead squirrel on my front lawn, I was ensaddened. I felt kind of responsible, because it is my house. And I don't have birdfeeders or anything where they can get easy food. And it's been so *cold* lately....
So, whelmed with guilt, I went to the grocery store and bought a bunch of peanuts, and last night at 3:30 in the morning I'm standing at my back door with an armload of them, ready to strew them around my backyard.
That's when I realized that I had accidentally bought _salted_ peanuts.
I threw them out into the yard anyway, because it is really cold, and it's likely to stay that way for a couple days. But now I'm worried that the squirrels are out there, really cold and really thirsty because they just ate a bunch of salty peanuts. Where do they get water when it's this cold? Do they have to eat snow? Can you imagine living outside when it's this cold, then having to eat snow because you're thirsty?
Can squirrels get hypertension?
Anyway, that's what's going on with me lately. I hope everything is less anxious with all of you, regardless of geography, climate, and local fauna.